CHILDGOODHOOD IS NOW WRITING SOME QUOTATIONS! AND HERE IS THE FIRST ONE FOR YOU!

"YOUR LEGS ARE SO HAIRY AND WHEN YOU SHAVE IT WE CALL IT DEFORESTATION"

Whatever Santa Claus is Doing Outside Christmas?

Since I got fired two weeks ago from my job as a postman, I made friends to a lot of dead things around me. You name it, from can food, can drinks, whisky (the cheap one), fridge, and a few kind of other dead things. All my human friends are busy and I got tired to be questioned by them whether I was okay or not after this shitty situation. One way to change the topic and pissed them off is by asking them back "Are you gaining some kilos? I see fat growing in your body lately plus some eye bags around your face. Wait.. are those eye bags or air bags?". It works, they completely forgot about my pathetic life and I could see how they look worried while staring at their own body.

Anyway, so I think those dead things are more thoughtful than human. They can remain silent while I enjoy them and they don't give me pitiful looks or "thank God I'm not you" expression in their face.

But if you ask me why I got fired, then I would tell you. People hardly mail to each other now, so the mails we got each day kind of less and less. Obviously as a postman I got extremely bored and unchallenged. I don't like spare time. So what I did that day was I took a lot of stamps from my office (well okay my boss said I STOLE it and I kind of agreed to that term) and I wrote a few random letters and sent it to random single people from the data base, and of course I didn't put my name on it instead of I put a name of another single people on it. You get it right?  Hell yes it's fun. I wrote romantic letter and make them meet each other. Even I wrote this love letter to an old granny and made it come from this freshman guy in some art college. Okay if that one is not that funny I understand, guys.

So one day I got caught and my boss freak out and fired me. And here I am now in front of my 13 inch television with a jar of Skippy on my hands, chewing, not really watching because TV shows never attract me that much. Apparently these dead things start to stress me out, because obviously I can't ask them anything either. Even the people inside the TV didn't tell anything I need. My friend said I should watch Oprah, but I'm not in the mood for dealing with successful-in-public person right now. I mean, those smart ass look on their face with good speech gestures look overrated. I have this feeling they don't look that interesting when they're alone in the make up room, especially when they have to pick up their noses or tried hard to poop out their last food. Their gestures will be the same weird. I need someone more than Oprah, or Joel Osteen, or Elen Degeneres... Well yeah Elen is not bad, but still I'm going to shut my door for those kind of perfectly-arranged people under some massive industry at this moment. Sorry.

Then I got this name, in this month of April, that suddenly landed in my mind. SANTA CLAUS.
Whatever he does outside Christmas period? Probably he's doing the same thing like me now? Wait. I might be old, but I still believe in Santa. Don't laugh. And don't give a statement like "Hell right you don't believe in Oprah but you believe in Santa!" or "I guess your boss just did the right thing". Please guys I don't need any comments from you. Just shut up and take care of your tummies cause they look like growing some fat.  Obviously. And clean up your eyes because shittt are those air bags hanging there???

Okay. So I got this Santa Claus address from our confidential data base, which got other particular names too like Betty Boo, William Hung, Anna Nicole Smith (we don't delete her name even though now she's RIP cause some guys can 'come' only by reading her home address), David Hasselhoff 's car in Knight Rider series, yes that Kitt (excuse me? you want David Hasselhoff's address instead? Sorry we have never thought to put his address into our database) and also the old white-hair friendly smiley face man you always see in Quaker Oats meal can. I don't know his name but we call him "Mr. Old-Meal".

Then I found Santa Claus' address and get ready to visit him. Don't ask how or the possibility of it, I told you to clean up your eyes right? Cause those air bags still hanging there seriously.

A few hours later I'm arrived in an old house, not too big but I don't call it small either. If you think that Claus' house is big because he has a lot of presents or anything, you get it wrong. Cause the presents and anything are kept in this big workshop nearby, being guarded by some funny look guys wearing black outfit. While Claus lives in this simple wooden house with a march of white roses growing in front of his backyard, apple tree standing right next to his house, and a dog house on the porch. It might his Rottweiler dog that he kept to take care of his house. Because some thief thought the presents are inside his house and trying to steal them or something. But Claus said "I don't want them to try that hard to break my door and get inside finding nothing, so my dog David is in charge to make them change their mind."

"Can I help you?" a thin guy with long white hair asked me after a minute this dog David barked fiercely at me in front of the door. Thank God I love dog so I don't find it scary. The thin guy wore striped pajamas, look mess up because I knew he hasn't showered since morning.

"I'm Ben, I'd like to meet Claus." I answered nicely.

"I'm Claus." the thin guy answered. He's fucking thinner than the usual Santa Claus I see in Christmas greeting card.

I kept silent for a while, didn't say anything further until he shrugged and smiled. "I know what you're thinking about. Well, son, it's only April and I only have to gain weight later around November. Actually I'm starting to worry this diabetes syndrome so I might not gain weight as fat as I used too. Everybody has to be health conscious anyway right." He explained to me openly just like that.

"Oh, nice meeting you, Claus," I could only replied that silly thing and shook his hand. "Is it okay if I visit you for a while?"

Claus opened his door wider and told his dog David with a hand sign to sleep because he found me harmless, sort of that I think.

I got inside and honestly his house need a housekeeper. Messy stuff on the floor like tires, books, bread crumbs, and dried pine tree leaves. I wanted to sneeze because of the dust, but I tried my best not to because I don't want to hurt Claus' feeling. So I took a seat on this old sofa that smelled like goat cheese. I love the smells of goat cheese when I'm in a cafe with some bread and wine, but if on a plain sofa inside this messy living room then I don't feel really right.

"What to drink, son?" Claus asked me as he opened his tiny fridge.

"Anything cold would be nice, thanks."

Claus came to me with a can of Coke in his hand. I wish he could give me more particular drink that I couldn't find near home, but that's okay. "Thanks." I said.

With a little smile, Claus sat on the smaller sofa right in front of me. "You just got fired?" then he drank his own Coke.

I nodded. "How come you know?"

Claus laughed. "I can read expression quite fast. So what's up? You want to look for a job here?"

I laughed right away. "No, just want to do some little talk. Cause I hate spare time, so I need to make
myself busy. Just being curious you know, what are you doing when Christmas is not here yet?"

Claus laughed again. "Good question. Okay... first of all, nowadays kids don't wait for me that eagerly anymore on Christmas eve, so I feel pissed off a bit. Plus it's quite confirmed that everybody thinks Santa is not real. Especially the adult like your age, son. They're boooo-ring and hardly to feel joyful. Well anyway, I got more pissed off when Christmas is over cause I have to wait another year to get busy. So...hey, you're not alone, son."

I smiled. I have been waiting for this, it is to meet a person who's being more pissed off than me.

With eyes staring at the ceiling, Claus looked like he sank into his thought alone for a while. Then came back to me a few seconds later. "Can you keep a secret?"

I looked around checking out nobody there and looked deeply into Claus' eyes. "Yes."

Claus choked a bit. "Ehm.. I do random stuff when I'm not on Christmas month. I did this casting to this movie Harry Potter, you know I thought I might be fit to be Albus Dumbledore, but they said I'm doing too much 'Ho Ho Ho'. Well I can't help it, I've been trained to laugh a 'Ho Ho Ho' for all my entire life and how could I not do that???"

I could only nod. "Yeah."

"And this time I almost get killed... I only want to have better marketing for my own name, so I traveled to east and planned to meet bigger population. So, stupidly, I landed on this place called Afghanistan with my red outfit and a few deers. I checked the children out and suddenly a group of men wrapped in white clothes running toward me and pointed some guns. For real! I could only explain who I am and they look suspicious and say something like Americana icon... or iconic Christiana Americana whatever. Then what I did was I gave up and thank god I got a bunch of plastic guns in my carriage that day, which were leftovers from last season Christmas, so I told them I planned to give these presents to their children. And they look happy and let me go and I went away right on that minute. Gee.. Santa Claus is going from town, if only I could change that song lyric."

I could only shut my mouth. Someone is more pissed off than me for sure.

"So son... why don't you just work with me here? I might need a new guy for taking care of my deers. You look like a nice guy. I'm sure you're still feeling pathetic after your boss fired you?" he asked me that dangerous question.

Actually I almost yelled at him "Hey are you gaining some weight? Cause I see fat growing in your tummies. And are those air bags hanging under your eyes?" But I changed my mind because Claus is obviously got no fats on his tummy and he has those real eye bags.. So I don't have a gut to say my curse to him. He's a nice pathetic person anyway who almost lost his popularity in public. A kind of person I'm looking for at this moment.

"Oh yes, Santa... of course. Whatever that job is, I'm in!" I answered happily. Not ever after probably, but it's okay.

A GIRL WHO GOT TRAPPED INSIDE A BOOK AND WANTED TO GET OUT

PIG SASHIMI

CHICKEN SATAY

THE STORY ABOUT CUPID

Hi. I'm Trevor, I'm a cupid. Yes, that cupid you know. Yup, the one who works for a thing called looove.

I've been a cupid since like 5 years ago. It's cool being a cupid, but trust me working for love is a very hard work.

What I do is sending a love message to every human being in this world. Sometimes in North, South, East, or West, sometimes in night, morning, or dawn. Wait, love message is not always an "I Love You", but unfortunately it can also be an "I Don't Love You Anymore" or "I Guess We Should Stop Our Relationship" message. So trust me, it's not easy to be a cupid because imagine us send a message and found the person cry out loud afterwards... that's gloomy.  We hate seeing people cry, so we always wish to get a duty for happy message. But that's it, we cannot choose our message and just be prepared for shitty messages.

This morning after lunch hour, me and my other cupid friends, Louisa, Hubb, and Leon, got ready to go to the "Message Room". We are best friends, and we always share our stories together.

We took the queue to the Message Desk where all the Senior Cupids wait and give us the message to send.

"I wish today I got something romantic, yesterday I just got a message to a beautiful wife from a jack-ass husband... telling her that he's seeing another woman who's 10 years younger, " Louisa said angrily while crossing her hands in front of her chest. "Jack ass!"

I tapped her on her wings. "Calm down... we don't have jobs without human fooling around with their love lives. Take the positive side will ya."

Hubb smiled. "That's what I like about you, Trevor. You always take the positive side. Remember the last time you sent message from a student to her geography teacher? We thought it was wild & not good, but all you said was the teacher teaches geography and he knows where every single city stands, but he doesn't know where his love life anymore... so the student could be a great match, it is to teach him where's the thing called love. That's awesome!"

I laughed. "Yes, the geography teacher was clearly never been serviced by his wife. He looked pale around his heart. It's not healthy."

Leon, the quiet one, only smiled. He doesn't speak much, that's why he's one of the favorites. A cupid is preferred quiet, so human can have more of their privacies. But I peeked a bit of his message yesterday, I think he just got a message from a girl to her (now ex) boyfriend, that she wanted to dump him because they got no same interests in music. I think I don't love you anymore because I listen to David Bowie, while you stick to David Foster. Goodbye. 


Yes, human are so funny! I guess human world is like a sitcom sometimes.

After a 5 minute queue I finally got the turn. Sir Dundall, one of the Message Cupids, listed my name and searched for my message on a pile of white envelopes. "Trevor...hmm...Okay...here it is...today you have to fly to North. It's from a man lives at 3°35′N 98°40′E to a lady at 6°12′S 106°48′E . The message is.... I love you so much, you have to know that. I always think about you. But I end up acting like I don't love you, like I don't want you... I don't know it's just hard to show some love these days... people always say spread the love, people always say world need more love, but all I can say is world is having too much love that it make them don't feel the existence anymore. It's like an air.. it's around us but we don't feel it or appreciate it anymore because it's too much. So all I want to do now is, find some other way than a thing called love, or a thing red colored, to make you believe it that we are someday beyond just a thing called love."



Pretty romantic yet dangerous for us the Cupids, I thought for myself while taking the message. Louisa was pissed off because she got another turn-off message, Hubb got a will you marry me message, which is nice, and Leon as usual just kept it for himself.

Then I drink some Cupid Liquid SO578, it's probably like a gas or fuel or something if it can make you understand. We, the Cupids, have to drink before we fly. It makes us stronger to beat off the storm, rain, or sunny heat.

After one glass of Cupid Liquid SO578, I spread my wings and flew to North. I smelled the fresh air, felt the breeze of humid wind, and the sounds of dancing fog around me. Thank God it's not storming right now, but suddenly I heard some crash. Pretty loud. I knew what it was.. another plane accident!
I flew to the right side and looked where it came from, and there it was. So I forgot to tell you something, Cupid's main job desk is to send a love message, but we are also being told to help the people who are accidentally going to end their lives. We don't help them to stay alive, but only to whisper them some love potions that make them die in love. You know what I mean.

So I flew down and landed on some mountainous ground. People are bleeding, and I saw some other Cupids there. Whispering..and whispering some love potions...  "You are so being loved... You are so being loved as long as you live... You're going to meet a lot of loves in heaven..."

Then of course my message to the North has to be cancelled.

That's why, if you happen to feel empty without love, or confused about love, or feeling lonely because you have no idea who's in love with you, it's probably because the Cupid has to do more important job to people who is not luckier than you are. I'm sorry if the message doesn't get you,  but you just have to believe that, someone out there is actually in love with you... they are wanting you so bad, but you just don't get the message yet. So always smile and don't hide your happiness in a locker, because you deserve to be loved. Way beyond a thing called love.

A MURDER

Me: 911.. I am reporting a murder.

911: Yes, can you tell us what and where you are Miss...

Me: Somebody just shoot me at heart

911: I beg you pardon?

Me: Yes... and now I'm bleeding, but the funny thing is my blood shaped like heart.

911: You are telling us that you're bleeding some heart?

Me: Yes.. and the guy who shot me is now flying.

911: Are you trying to fool us?

Me: No, Sir... there's a Cupid in front of me.

911: great. (hung up the phone)


'Me' is just in love, guys.  Leave her alone.

HEART BEAT

WHENEVER I MEET YOU,

I LOVE MY HEART BEAT

IT SOUNDS LIKE SHINKANSEN BULLET TRAIN BEING PUSHED BY SPIDERMAN

A BUTTERFLY IN MY STOMACH

"I have a butterfly in my stomach, I feel soooo in love," Jenny told me with her happiest smile ever. "You know that guy named Arthur? He asked me out last nite and finally I could see him from half of meter distance Ah, I can't sleep all nite long."

I thought about something for a while, then looked at her with a shrug. "Good for you, my friend."

Jenny stopped smiling and looked at me with a I-think-you-are-jealous look. "Oh, Kyle...don't be such a python." (She calls everyone annoying a 'python').

I shrugged. "Because it's almost February and every guy just feels insecure without a lover until Val's day, that's why he suddenly asked you out. Warming up you know."

Jenny left me without saying any goodbyes, but I guess I heard her mumble a word python once again.

I only laughed. She's my best friend and what kept us stay best friend is we fight a lot. Best friends love to fight!

Suddenly Pamela came by. "Hi Kyle..you're alone?" her voice as always, flat like a red carpet, and her face never changed. She always looks like questioning something. I guess her surname is Question Mark. She's also one of my best friends, but we don't fight that lot because her face already makes me feel sorry.

I looked around me, there's a little bird eating some seeds on the grass. "Nope, I'm with a little bird. We're hanging out." My words just made her face more into questioning mark expression.

"Kyle, I'm in love?" she said ( or did she ask?)

"Hmm..are you telling me something or are you making a true or false question?" I asked.

Pamela nodded. "I'm telling you something."

I shocked. If Jenny fell in love, that's I will never care because she fell in love every week, but Pamela?

"HOw can???" I almost cried. "Who's the weird guy?" One thing about me I haven't told you, I don't believe in falling in love. Guys are crazy and I don't fall in love with crazy people. I know lot about food, dresses, secret discount sale, or even cars, but love and guys... it stress me out more than Biology final exam!

Pamela started to smile, a flat smile of course. "Do you remember that guy whom you think look like a crying cucumber?"

I thought for a wihle, of course I didn't remember which one. I have put too many curses on guys. The last nickname I made is a guy that looks like a Fishing Boat, but Crying Cucumber I didn't exactly remember "Yes, of course. Who's his name?"

"Greg. He wants to be my boyfriend. Could you believe that?" she asked me. "This is the first I feel a butterfly in my stomach."


Three hours later I was alone in my backyard. I hate this, but I think I have to feel that love and that guy my best friends are crazy about just now. Shit! Should I? I guess yes. Okay, I don't know anything about it, but look like they have something in common. Butterflies in their stomach! So that day I waited patiently for a butterfly flying near me and caught them with a net. I caught one butterfly, then I held its dusty wings. I don't know whether it's right or not, but should I eat the butterfly? I guess yes? And I eat the butterfly until I feel it land on my stomach. Let's see what happens tomorrow... wish me luck, guys...

FOR GOOD LOOKING ONLY

IF YOU ARE UGLY, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS.

IF YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING, PLEASE READ THIS AND LEAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

IF YOU ARE UGLY AND STILL WANT TO READ, I THINK YOU ARE HUMBLE SO PLEASE BE MY FRIEND.

IF YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING AND DON'T WANT TO READ, PLEASE STILL LEAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

(this writing is going to use a lot of repetitive words, so please be prepared for Similar-Words-Hangover you poor reader)

Okay, there's actually nothing anything about ugly victimization here, because being good looking is too easy.

 You're good looking enough with a cool music playlist on your Ipod, you're good looking enough with the right ex in the past that made you even look harder to get, you're good looking enough with the right scent, you're good looking enough with the right logo on your shoes, you're good looking enough with no answer on the phone, you're good looking enough with right hobbies & interests, you're good looking enough with good taste in literature, and you're good looking enough with nice status on your twitter (for 2009-2010 period anyway, in twitter case).

 If you don't have an Ipod, no perfume, cheap logo on your shoes, got no Ex, no hobbies & interests,  hate reading, and.. got no twitter account, then I would say you have to chase some flight to Vatican. 

IF YOU ARE UGLY AND STILL READING THIS, I THINK YOU'RE NOT THAT UGLY.

IF YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING AND STILL READING THIS, THEN I GUESS YOU ARE A NICE GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE WITH A LOT OF SPARE TIME. I LIKE YOU

IF YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING AND ARE NOT READING THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVE CLICKED "X" BUTTON ON MY WINDOW THEN I GUESS YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING BUT SOMEHOW BORING.

IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY GOOD LOOKING AND ARE NOT READING THIS BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE UGLY, THEN I LIKE YOU THE MOST.

BUT ONLY FOR TODAY, FOR EVERYONE WHO READS THIS, PLEASE HEAR THIS: I THINK YOU ARE SOOO GOOD LOOKING!

GO ON... TELL YOUR MOM THAT SOMEBODY FROM A BLOG JUST RANKED YOU A GOOD LOOKING PERSON! 

- YOU'RE WELCOME - 

I Love My Surname Poetry

One day in a poetry class.

Mrs. Humming: Daisy! Your turn. Read us some poetry.

Daisy stood up from her chair and walked forward to face the class. Her big glasses always slid down on her tiny nose. Red freckles all around her apple bones, and clear blue eyeballs fully opened whenever she felt excited. Her medium dark hair, a bit messy like Niagara Waterfalls, covered some right-and-left side of her round face. She's a creature that people won't forget at the first sight. Her names is Bond, Daisy Bond.

Daisy:

"I Love my Surname...." she shouted the poetry's title in full of confidence, made everyone in class sigh boringly. Daisy always came up with idiosyncratic poetry. Everyone hates it,  maybe except for Wek Lee Sung, the Taiwanese boy that had a crush on Daisy, and of course whom Daisy like very much since 2 years ago. Daisy liked Sung first, then 3 days later Sung had the same feeling. He thought Daisy was kinda cute.

And anyways, here goes again Daisy Bond with her poetry.

I love my surname, because people always think I have something in common with Mr. James.
  I love my surname, because I could introduce myself to new people in a cool way like "Hi I'm Bond, Daisy Bond" and they will frown. I love it when people frown at me. 
 I love my surname, because it could make people forget how weird I look.
 I love my surname, because it's not too hard to spell like my friend's surname, Timo Whazklopozcisky.

(there's a sound of Boo from Timo, then Mrs. Humming shhhed him, then turned her head again to Daisy who already knew it would happen somehow. "Go on, Daisy, continue your poetry.")

 I love my surname, because it sounds fine with Daisy.
 I love my surname, because I can have it from the time I was born until I die later someday, while Sean Connery could only have it for 7 episodes.
 But one thing I hate about my surname, it has to go if I marry Wek Lee Sung. 
 Wait! But I kinda like Daisy Sung, because people will think I could sing. So I wish someday my name is Daisy Sung anyway.

5 Minutes Married Couple

Maria & Pedro are 23-year-old-married couple with 2 teenage daughters, Tess & Kathy. They live in one big apartment, with 8 big windows each facing empty streets, 4 big rooms, 4 bathrooms, 2 toilets, 2 kitchen, 1 dining room, 1 breakfast room, & 2 living rooms. The apartment looks bigger and emptier since Tess & Kathy went abroad for achieving their bachelor degrees. 


Maria is a lawyer & a proud owner of Maria Del Shoes, and Pedro her husband is yes, a successful businessman with good prospect companies. They are so busy, super busy and super busy.  They love each other so much, but they are just so busy with their own careers. They are so busy that they don't have time for hugging, kissing and fighting.


They can only meet each other for 5 minutes everyday. Sort of "magic 5 minutes", that's what their friends say about them. They enjoy their 5 magic minutes in the breakfast room from 12.00-12.05.  They use it for quick brief chit chat, sometimes about their daughters, sometimes about their works, or problems at the office, anything at all. Short and of course to the point. The room is well furnished, all white painted & the lighting director they hired was obviously the pro one, but people can see there's no life there. No fresh flowers, no whole wheat bread lying on the cabinet, or half-bottle of jam standing on the table, not even used glasses usually seen in the sink. It's like a dead beautiful kitchen seen in Ikea display. 


22 November: 12.00


Pedro: Hi, Sweetheart
Maria: Hi, Sweetie
Pedro: Today I'm having a meeting with Japanese businessman, he could be a good partner for me. I knew him from Jeff.
Maria: Nice, I'm going to meet some buyers. They love my Spring Summer collection. Lovely isn't it!
Pedro: Congratulations, Sweetheart. 
Maria: You too. 
(and the conversation is keep on rolling)


12.05
Maria: Okay, gotta get going!
Pedro: yes yes what a busy day! Bye Maria
Maria: bye Sweetie!


And the breakfast room is back into a dead room.


23 November: 12.00


Pedro: Hi, Sweetheart
Maria: Sweetie...
Pedro: We should check out Barbara Lee, she could be a great business developer for Maria Del.
Maria: Yes I guess we should do that. And Kathy just got her internship at CNN. I've told you she's a brain
Pedro: And why did Tess break up with Timmy? I like him though.
Maria: hahahahaha. Do you still love me if my mouth is stink and never wants to check it up to a doctor ?
Pedro: yes of course I won't leave you just because your mouth is stink. Your hearts smells good! 
Maria: hmm.. love you


(the conversation is rolling)


12.05


Maria: love you!
Pedro: love you too, bye Sweetheart


Here comes again the dead breakfast room.


24 November: 12.00


Maria sitting alone in the breakfast room, Pedro hasn't arrived.


12.03: Pedro still has not arrived


Maria looked at her watch, upset. She had this appointment right after her 5 minutes magic, and now she had to leave right on 12.05. 


The breakfast room left behind without any conversations made.


25 November: 12.02


Maria arrived 2 minutes late, she felt guilty and rushed into the breakfast room as she take off her coat.


Maria: Sorry Sweetie I'm late, Cecilia was late for my brunch meeting and ---


There's no Pedro in the breakfast room, Maria just realized. She put on her coat again and sighed anxiously. A bit suspicious on her heart. Pedro never missed this 5 minutes magic ever in his busy life, and the worst thing is he didn't pick up the phone since yesterday.


Suddenly her mobile phone rang, Maria sighed again. It must be the buyers, they have a lunch meeting. "Hi, I'm on the way to the restaurant and -- hello? Who is this?"


Dr. Cane: Maria, it's me Cane. 
Maria: Oh, Hi! Dr. Cane! How are you? It's been so long. Actually I'm planning to meet you for the general check-up next week. 
Dr. Cane: Maria, where are you?
Maria: I'm actually at home, but going to have some lunch meeting after this. What is it Dr. Cane? Anything I can help?
Dr. Cane: I'm sorry, Pedro just got a heart attack. He got into the hospital yesterday and insisted me not to tell you and- 
Maria: Oh my!.. uhm... ho-how can this happen.. Okay I'm going right away to the hospital, tell him I'm on my way!
Dr. Cane: Maria.. Maria...listen to me.. please, I'm sorry, but Pedro just passed away 10 minutes ago. 


The breakfast room never felt so dead like this before.

30 November: 12.00


Maria sat alone in front of the gravestone. 


Pedro Del
A beloved husband & father


Maria spread the red roses onto the grave. She sat and started to talk.


Maria: Hi Sweetie... 
Pedro: 
Maria: Yes, I know you are listening...
Pedro:
Maria: Okay you miss me already, I miss you more. Pedro, I thought we would always do the 5 minutes magic until we're old. 
Pedro:
Maria: say something Pedro...now I feel the silliest widow in the whole world. There's so much things I want to tell you, I feel like we're still in the breakfast room and you're still telling everything. I have no idea how we could summarize our life in 5 minutes each day. If I knew this would happen, we wouldn't do that, would we? I want to ask you how do I look...and I want to hug you.. I want to put your tie into the right position.. I want you to smell my new perfume.. I want to clean up your suit when you have falling hair on the shoulder pad..I want you to pull out my grey hair...


And the graveyard becomes her new breakfast room, but this time there's no 5 minutes magic. Because Maria couldn't even leave the gravestone at least after 4 hours. Last time she was talking for 5 hours in front of the gravestone. She knows she's the most stupid widow, and they were the most stupid couple ever lived. But somehow the graveyard looked more alive than the furnished breakfast room. Strange.

A Shy Heroine

Besides Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Powerpuff Girls, or maybe John Lennon, there is also another human with special power too. She was born as a heroine, called Sophor. She could light up the sky when it's too dark, she could spread sugar powder to all over the city, she could think of 50 things in one time, and she could fly like a spaceship.

BUT (absolutely BUT) Sophor has this one leakage. She's way too shy as a heroine. Her heart beats so fast when she has to help people or whenever her power comes out. She even almost cries when everybody stares at her super power executions. Just like when you have to read a poem in front of a million classmates.

That's why Sophor always says no when a movie producer wants to make superhero movie about her. She's too shy. Her cotton fabric cloth covers her face anytime she's out, just to cover her blushing cheeks when the power comes out.

For the worst thing, she even thinks twice to use her power against the enemies. So, who wants to care about a shy heroine named Sophor? Go read marvels, guys.

Gold Fish Lips

Forbidden Fish Lips


The hardest person to talk with is not Angelina Jolie or George Bush. I'll say the right person to get the "Untalk Person" award is Kanya Tallush.

Well, not because she's snobby, or stupid, or voiceless. Or having problem with stinky mouth. Not at all. It is because her lips shaped like fish. Whenever she talks, some part of her lips don't move, some swim to the left side, some swim to the bottom, and it's just so miserable. Also, the worst part is her mouth always produces really big amount of saliva when she tries to talk. Just like a swimming fish.

Kanya feels lonely because she can't talk to anybody. It's not her dream to have fishy lips. Her parents are normal, her little sister Tray is normal, her big brother Johnson is normal, and even her puppy Bacon is that normal as a terrier.

Suddenly, when Kanya walked along the street with her empty companion, she stopped right in front of a pet shop. She saw three little dogs, two cats, a bunch of white rats, two gross snakes, and....one little goldfish inside a glassy jar.

It's only written "2 $"

"Twosh Dowshlarrs?" Kanya talked to herself, producing lots of saliva and blurry spells.

Is that her name? Her price? Her self value? Her brand? Her surname?
Of course it's her price, she answered her stupid question to herself with a bitter smile.

The goldfish was staring at Kanya's lips, for Kanya's sake.

"Hesshloow...gowshfisshh....I awms Kannyiaashh.." Kanya greeted the goldfish.

For no more lies in this world, the goldfish spread her lips wider. It's a smile! Then the goldfish talked something to Kanya. "Your lips look awesome," it said. Kanya was totally amazed, that she could understand exactly what the goldfish had said to her.

Kanya took the jar and gave it to the cashier.

The cashier fortunately was too busy to ask anything to Kanya, so he only took 2 dollars from Kanya's hand and put the goldfish into a ballooned plastic bag. "Thank you for shopping at Marco's Pet Shop," he said without even looking at Kanya. One thing that made Kanya felt more happy that day. A new best friend that would understand her lips, and cheap price for a big-worthy creature such as goldfish.
What a gold day...

Zitsadabra

"What are those on your face???!!!" Brian asked, showing some unattractive smirk on his face as he stared down to her ex's face, that girl named Ann Bob who used to be really optimistic about anything. Except for two things in this world.

Ann Bob quickly covered her face with hands, hiding her red nose too from crying. "Please..we just met,like after all these years, and you just reckon my zits like that. Bry...I'm hopeless...after I was hopeless with you, than these zits are just worse than you." She almost whispered in front of her oily onion rings.

Bry walked slowly to her side. He remembered how the first time they met at their first day of college. He really adored her blue hair and weird sense of style. That girl was also put her heart on him, which became so easy for Bry because she phoned him first. Since that first ring day, they went steady and safe like Airbud and his playing ball. Unfortunately, the ball is no longer his. Eh? Uhm, yes, Bry is no longer Ann Bob's boyfriend.

And now Bry and Ann were meeting at Topi Cafe, which used to be their favorite spot when they're still together. Ann invited Bry. Ann insisted Bry, exactly, to tell him all about this spell thing.

"How did the zits show up like this?" Bry asked suspiciously. "Don't tell me it's because of--"

"Of course not!" Ann Bob cutted his words with bitter tones of lying. "I won't spend my money for that thing just to get you back."

Bry locked his eyes on her. "Don't lie to me, Annie. You wanted to meet me for some reason. Help you out from the curse?" Then he laughed a little coldly.

Ann Bob sighed. "Oh, Bry...ok, I went to that woman again, and it ended up like this. She said the spell wouldn't work if you're married to someone, and yes as the award I would get these billions of zits on my face. So...you're married huh?"

Bry slapped his face with his own hand in disbelief. "Ann...I thought I knew you. But..How could I ever think that you're serious when you wanted to put me on a spell?????? GOd!!!! Jezz..and it's totally wrong for not telling you that i've been married. Oh God.. now look at you!! But Ann... you really"

Three seconds later, Ann Bob has faced an empty chair in front of her. This was the second spell. The second failed spell. Then she remembered how she got this blue hair after she broke up with Timothy. No more spells.

But maybe someone, just maybe, would fall in love with her billions zits, like Bry fell in love with her blue hair.

Spell always works something in its odd way, trust Ann.

When Nanna is Feeling Blue

Don't you ever hurt Nanna, the most sensitive and mellowdrama girl in this already dramacus world.
Because it's not very good to see what happens after Nanna cries or mumbles or shouts.

"Why is that?" Ok it's not you asking, but yes someone was asking, so I'd better answer.

"Because Nanna could be really blue," I answered.

"Everybody can be blue when they're sad," someone answered back.

"It's different," I answered back back. "Nanna could be obviously blue, like the blue shirt or blueberry jam or blue car."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" You finally shouted. (yes, YOU. You. The one who is reading this weird capsule called computer like right now)

I cleared my throat. "Nanna's hair becomes blue, her eyebrows become blue, her lips become blue, her eyeballs become blue, her freckles become blue, her pimples become blue...and her heart (if you could ever X-ray her body) also becomes blue."


"Roses are red,
Nanna is blue,
Sugar is sweet
and so are you"

Anybody doesn't get this story interesting raise your hand!
No!No! Put it down. Just pretend you like it, because Nanna could be really sad if she finds out this story about her doesn't goal your satisfaction. You don't want to make her blue ait....

Bully Shit

"Do I really look like a bull?" Jan suddenly asked his friend, Moore, while they were eating banana pancakes for breakfast at The Low Budget Cafe, the right cafe for taxi drivers, constructing workers, or magazine sellers. Jan and Moore are taxi drivers.
Moore snickered. "Man, I don't know...your nose is yes like a bull, but all the girls tell me you're cute. So don't you ever think about nip/tucking your bully nose. Since we won't spend our money for that inhumanity job. Right?"

Jan shrugged. "I just can't stand those eyes staring at my nose. This big, this bully, and this scary nose. I don't feel completed."

Moore didn't really understand his bestbud's last words.

Jan thought for a while, then he pointed his finger to the sky.

Moore stared up to the ceiling. "What?"

Jan rolled his eyes. "No, it's not about the ceiling. I just got an idea. I'll be back. Catch you later after our last shift HERE." Then he ran outside the cafe.

Moore only rubbed his perfect nose. "Thank God you're normal, my lovely nose. You're normal."

Eight hours later Moore has already been seated nicely at the cafe. He was terribly curious of what Jan might have done to his bully nose.

Ten minutes later, the cafe was buzzing like bugs.
A guy just walked into the cafe with his smiling face. Someone famous and perfectly handsome.

"Tom Cruise is in the house!" someone whispered from Moore's back.

Moore was now staring closely. Yes, it's Tom Cruise walking into this low-budget cafe. Where's Katie Holmes? No around?

Less than in a minute, Tom Cruise has stood up in front of Moore's face. "Moore..it's me, dude."
Moore shook his hand. "Yes, Tom. I know you. But...hey..you know me???"
This time Tom Cruise pointed his nose. Perfect nose. "I've changed myself to this guy named Tom Cruise. I'm Jan, stupid."
Moore almost choked his cigarette into his throat. "Holy cow!!! How come???"
Jan laughed. "I just talked to the real bull at the Oxteen Farm. I told that fucking bull to let me surrender this bully nose. He agreed and I suddenly became this fucking Tom Cruise in less than three minutes. No, it's actually four minutes."

Moore still almost choked himself. "You're telling me a bull shit!"

Jan/Tom Cruise nodded. "Yes, bull shit actually happens. And it's no bull shit."

Moore didn't have more words to say about bull thing.

Wonderland Filipi

Under that one big sky, people live differently. Someone is now making mustard sauce, other someone is buying a fish, other someone is walking his new dog, other someone is kissing other someone on the mouth, and Filipi is now hunting for a flower called "strada".

Her teacher told her that there's no such a thing as "strada" flower, or "strada" plant, or "strada" grass, but Filipi kept her wonderland mind inside her head. There is such a thing as "strada" flower, she said.

Filipi has been walking inside the jungle for 3 hours. Without companion, without food, without I-pod, and even without map.
She was really craving for that "strada" flower. Why?
It is because "strada" flower can make your lips popping up. Filipi loves pop-ups, from children pop-up storybook to pop-up birthday card. Now, she wants her lips to pop-up like those charming stuff. How could she ever get an idea about "strada" flower then? It's all from "kolk bug" pill. Guess what, I think you've given up all of her wonderland mind eh. Just forget it. Maybe this time we should better just leave it up to Filipi.

"I found it! I found it!" Filipi yelled to herself, and two squirrels not too far from her spot. "I found my "strada" flower!"

It's black, sometimes purplish under the lightest sunshine, and smells like a birthday card.

Filipi couldn't hide her glorifying laughters. "See! See! It's "strada" flower."

Then Filipi rubbed the flower all over her mouth as it was a lipgloss. Then...in 6 seconds, Filipi's lips felt like pumping and pumping...and she could feel it now. They're now popping up!

Filipi now got pop-up lips.

"Friends," said Filipi with her funny lips. "Since i've achieved this "strada" flower, now I want to look for "hugebell" fruit. It can grow up a pair of wings from your ribs."

Here Filipi goes again.

Rein Ortogello

That one day, Rein was eating pop corn in front of her 20" television, watching no good shows, listening to old buzzing radio next to her couch, moving-up-and-moving-down eyelids, shrieking Sam that little puppy, beating roofs of discoing mice, and on-and-off lamp on the desk. Rein wasn't an inspiring person, but she got this bow tie named Louisa, totally a trophy! She always wore Louisa to make sure that she still got someone to tight with.

Suddenly her cell phone rang. Rein was as shocked as she's once seen a wild cat wearing G-string around its butt and walking slowly like a stoned ho.
Her phone rang again. She never expected someone to give her a call outside office hour. She got nobody to talk to, usually, and now she had to pick up the reality.

Rein: Hello?
Someone (a man): Hi, you're Rein?
Rein: Who's this? Maybe you wish to call another Rein? There's also other Rein in my office. Rein Dass, she's the sales director. We split up customers sometimes, maybe--
Someone: I think I'm calling the right Rein. You're Rein Ortogello?
Rein (getting dizzy): What do you want, Sir?
Someone: I'm Stephen, I think we've met before. Remember? At Comfort Mart?
Rein: The guy with brown curly hair and lime green tennis shirt?
Stephen: Aha! You remember! Hi, how are you?
Rein: Are you still working as Comfort Mart's cashier?
Stephen (coughing): erhg..yes, Rein. But I'm the head of all the cashiers.
Rein: where did you get my number?
Stephen: You filled in that survey, and gave it to me. I just copied your phone number. Hope you're not mad?
Rein: You always do this to every customer? Bad you.
Stephen (as he looked to other 34 surveys with 34 names of single ladies on his lap): Yes.
Rein: (hung up the phone)
Stephen: I mean... no. damn!

Stupid Stephen calling, and Stephen couldn't do a simple white lie. Guess what, Rein almost dropped her frozen heart to that playboy head of cashier. So thank God that Stupid Stephen couldn't do a white lie.

I'm In Love

I'm in love with:
Pablo, Sonny, Kim, Rascal, Buddy, Jeffrey, Thom, Lucas, Desstroit, Ben, Kun Yo Goong, Martin, Dale, Garrick, Long Pete, and Peter.

I'm in love and i'm in love with them all.

And:
Pablo, Jeffrey, Ben, Dale, and Long Pete are in love with me too.

hihi. I bet you don't really like me.