BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A FISH LIKE ME

Fishshit. Fishtard. Fishhole. I give up being a fish. A fish as a creature living in the water is a fishhole.

I'm a female fish living inside a jar with another fish. He's a male fish. I never have a chance to know his name, since I couldn't listen carefully what my owner called him, or yeah even my own name! When you're inside water, everything sounds bubbly.

I always want to say "Hi how are you" or "you look great today" to that male fish, but whenever I open my mouth only bubbles coming out. I can't even smile because fish always make that same "O" shape lips, even if you're sad, angry, or happy. The same fishtard "O" shape!

I can't even make eye communication, because fish eyes always turn out big and round and round like that. That's why you got Fish Eye lens. I wish I could lower my eyelids a bit just to be romantic or maybe sexier than this lifetime open-wide eyeballs.

And don't mention about body language communication, because I don't even have a hand to say "I Love You" or "Hello" or "Stop" or "Talk to the hand" thing like you can do as human.

Even worse, I couldn't show him that I'm sad and in a big need of cuddle. Because my tears is transparent inside water.

So as a human, please say "I love you" to your love one or "Hi" as many as you can while you can, smile as big as you feel, hug your friends as many as you desire, and burst into tears as many as you want cause it will make your cheeks wet beautifully. Just as many as you want because you're not a fish like me.

JESSICA THE HUMAN FLOWER

My Grandpa just gave me an extra-ordinary birthday gift. It is a human flower.
Imagine an orchid inside a flowerpot like your mom has on her garden or dining table? It looks alike, only the flower part is now a real human head. My human flower is a female, so it has long hair. She's a bit beautiful, I wouldn't say totally beautiful because she looks weird with stalk as her neck. But so far this is the weirdest & coolest thing I've ever seen. My Grandpa didn't want to tell me where he got this kind of stuff, but we're not surprised. He always came up with strange hybrid creatures. Do you know he just gave my Mom some liquid water shaped like a bottle? So it works exactly like a bottle of water, you can hold it and pour the water into a glass, but makes your hands wet once you touch it. Of course, since it's actually water. I have no idea how the liquid could be that strong to stay shaped like a bottle. I guess you all are confused? I knew it, it's my Grandpa's fault.

Anyways, here is me with my fresh human flower. I love flowers, I have 3 pots of beautiful flowers in my room. There is a rose named Rose, a jasmine named Jasmine, and an orchid named Lily. Now I have four of them, I will name my human flower with Jessica. Such a great human name. I put Jessica on my night table, right next to my bed. Sorry for Rose, Jasmine & Lily, because I have to put them separately close to the windows.  A new best friend needs more room to adapt.

"Hello!" suddenly Jessica greeted with eyes staring at me widely.
I was a bit shocked because the human flower can really talk, even wink, just like human "Hello!" I greeted her back nicely.
"Thanks for having me," Jessica bowed her head a bit to me. "It's great. You got nice room. I will be happy here."
I smiled. "Thank you too for being here. Let me give you some water." Then I pour her some water from  the  watering can.
Suddenly she coughed. "Oops! What kind of water is this?"
I stopped pouring, while looking at the watering can and Jessica back and forth. "Hmm. Some water from tap."
Jessica tried to smile. "But I prefer real drink water, I'm sorry to bother you."
I laughed. "Not a problem! My drink will be your drink since now." Then I pour some water from my drinking glass to Jessica. She looked happier now.

Then I realized it's 3 PM. Time to read! I don't know why but when the clock ticks to 3 PM, my brain always alarms my mind to grab some book and read. I took my "The Black Cat" book by Edgar Allan Poe from the rack and started to read it silently. I like to read anything Gothic.

I usually took 3 to 4 hours to read, but it's not even 35 minutes when suddenly Jessica yawned. "I'm so bored. Let's do something?"
It's not easy to say goodbye to Edgar Allan Poe, but I could feel what Jessica felt. "I'm sorry. You want to do something?"
Jessica made a thinking face. "Hmm. Yeah. Can I go to the garden and just enjoy the view?"
It's the first time I got some request from a flower, and got some interruption while reading time, but it sounded fine. So I shut my Edgar Allan Poe and grab Jessica on my hug. I was thinking to bring Rose, Jasmine and Lily too, but when I was about to grab them, Jessica made a frown. "Are you going to take them with us too?"
I nodded. "Why not."
Jessica shrugged. "They seem alright near the windows. And it's my first day here, I just wish I could spend more time only with you."
I didn't mind and walked to the garden. Just the both of us, me and Jessica. It's fun. I sat on the garden chair with Jessica on my lap. Enjoying the view, just like Jessica asked for.

After 20 minutes or so, I asked Jessica whether she wanted to stay there alone for a while because I have promised my best friend Matilda to go out with her and have some dessert together.
"I'm coming with you," Jessica said with a tone that didn't need my approval.
It's not a big problem, because I actually had this thing in mind to show Jessica to Matilda. So Jessica and I went up to room. I needed to change dress first.

I picked some white medium-length empire line dress and slipped it on through my body happily. It's one of my favorite dresses that I have worn since I didn't know what menstruation is.
"Your dress looks old." I heard a tiny voice behind my back. It's Jessica again.

I turned around and looked at Jessica sadly. "Really? I knew someone would notice. Yeah I have worn it  since many years ago."
Jessica sharpened her eyes, as she wanted to look close at the details. "It's getting yellow, the white is fading out. You should change to another dress. You look kind of filthy."
This time I felt a bit hurt, but maybe she's right. It's about time my dress get retired. So I turned out wearing a green tennis polo shirt and denim pants, just to be quick and simple.
Jessica nodded with a smile. "You look nice."

A few minutes later we were already inside a cafe, with my best friend Matilda sitting next to me. She looked so amazed with Jessica. "Very pretty human flower! Let me guess. Is this one of your Grandpa's stuff?"
I nodded, laughing. "Yeah! Isn't it awesome?"
Matilda greeted Jessica. "Hi!"
Jessica greeted back, but this time not too enthusiastic. "Hi. I'm thirsty."
I looked at Jessica for five seconds. She's obviously starting to act annoying, but I ordered some mineral water anyways then poured it to Jessica carefully.
Matilda looked at me with surprised looks. "Mineral water only for a flower? Why don't you just use tap water instead?"
I smiled a bit, trying to make this weird scene look okay. "Well, since it's an extra-ordinary flower, I should treat it in an extra-ordinary way."
Matilda didn't look agreeable even though she gave me a warm smile as her reply. "Okay. Hey wait up, I need to go to bathroom."
"No problem," I said as turned my eyes back at Jessica.
Jessica looked not happy and started to make negative audio again. "I think your friend has a problem."
"Excuse me?" I asked Jessica.
"She doesn't seem pleased to see me here," Jessica mumbled.
I have thought to slap her on the face, but it's almost like chopping a flower to death. Better not.
"Relax, Jessica. She looks okay to me," I tried to calm her.
Jessica looked shocked. "What are you calling me?"
I shrugged. "Well...I'm calling you your name. Jessica." I just realized I haven't told her that her name is Jessica.
Jessica laughed. "What an ordinary name! So silly. Do you mind if I change my name to something more extra-ordinary? Let's say... Farfarhug, Jugabuggee, or Wanklooyum?"
This time I felt angry. "Oh, please don't start. Are you having a problem? Why you always complain, demand, make little things look so complicated, not thankful, paranoid, and want to be treated like you're the only special living thing on earth?"
Jessica was quiet for a while, she looked guilty but started to make a defense. Just like human. "Because I'm mostly a human. A human can do that why can't I?"

A few hours later I arrived home without Jessica. I have decided to give her back to Grandpa before I chopped her to death. "I'm sorry, Grandpa." That's the only thing I could say.
I got into my room and found Rose, Jasmine, and Lily waiting for me by the windows. My silent beauties.

Now I could wear my old white (turning yellow) dress again, shower my flowers with tap water, call them with the names I chose, read books without interruption, and go out with Matilda without handling a trouble. It's not that I hate Jessica, or human being at all, I'm a human and I adore human being. But life is not easy when you have too much human traces.

While I look at Rose, Jasmine, and Lily, I could only smile. Sometimes silence is more than gold, and silence is all I need to realize that life is already beautiful as simple as that.

THE SADNESS OF BEING RANKED NUMBER ONE

It's okay if you're not ranked number one. Because one day Mr. Number One told me that being ranked Number One is pretty sad.

You have to wait last to hear your name called.
You made runner up's supporters sad.
You made third position's supporters go home early.
You made your legs work harder to step on to the highest stage.
You need to look very good because mostly people will take pictures of you.
You are lonely, because there are no two Number Ones.
And the worst thing is, people think that you are that good to achieve number one. Because I just knew you're being ranked Number One because the Runner Up is not that good that time.

It's okay not to be ranked Number One.

A FAT BOY WHOSE PARENTS FORGOT TO TEACH HIM WORDS "MY", "STOMACH", "IS", AND "FULL" SINCE HE WAS A BABY

Mrs. Polar Bear (with Croco Birkin bag) vs. Mrs. Croco (with Fendi fur coat)

Mrs. Croco: "Hey Mrs. Polar Bear! How are you!"
Mrs. Polar Bear: "Doing good. How are you? Wow you look different today."
Mrs. Croco: "Well, do I look fancy? Just got this fur coat from Fendi store. Isn't it nice?"
Mrs. Polar Bear: "Yeah. It looks good, but strange it just looks like my family. I smell someone familiar."
Mrs. Croco: "Someone familiar? What do you mean?"
Mrs. Polar Bear: "I smell my uncle, who just got killed by human few months ago."
Mrs. Croco: "Whatever, but hey dude what are you holding there? Nice piece of bag!"
Mrs. Polar Bear: "Thanks, not easy to get it. I got it from Hermes store, we call it Birkin bag. It's made from real reptile skin they said. I've been waiting for years to get it and bring it home. But I prefer to call it Hermes Bear-kin bag."
Mr. Croco: "Strange...I smell someone familiar too. Smells like my niece who got kidnapped by human few years ago."

Mrs. Polar Bear & Mrs. Croco just laughed out loud for the same coincidence. They have no idea the big thing happening there. Well, who cares. We call them just some of fashion victims and they are always happy as long as they look good.